Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
