If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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