Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
