her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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