Who wears a wallet chain?!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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