I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
