Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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