I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
