I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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