Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize