For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
