I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
