I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
