8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
