well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
