I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
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