there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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