Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize