When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
