Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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