my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
