I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
