my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
