I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
