I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
we should paint friendship bongs
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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