youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
my poor anus
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
