I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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