Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
