I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
