you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
tell me about the eggs
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
