You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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