just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
