i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
