worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
