don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
