It's a beautiful day for a hangover
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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