Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
