Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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