the room spins SO much faster in panama
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
