Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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