i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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