You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
