cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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