What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
