the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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