My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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