I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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