dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
