Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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