but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
