The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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