Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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