As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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