For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
