I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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