Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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