Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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