just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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