i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
