I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
