i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
