yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
