omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
