hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
