I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize