i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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