I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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