i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
