Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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