well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
