You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
