Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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