Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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