His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
