And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
