FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
