i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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