Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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