I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
