You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
