Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
