guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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