I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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