Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
