She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
