shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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