yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize