I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
