i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
