You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
