jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
