PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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