It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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