Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
