So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Boobs are out for the taking
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
