I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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