this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
