Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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