we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
