Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize